Sunday, 11 September 2011

This is the Part where I explain myself.

Im designing this blog to pass the time, and that's it. The end of my Ambitions. I'm a very ambitious Individuel arn't I? And that wasn't even sarcasim. Passing the time, a concept I never really understood.  Who wants to pass the time? Time is all that seperates us from those annoying rocks and atoms and lego pieces on the floor that you keep stepping on, when time runs out it just gets boring. But im getting side tracked, where are my manners? At the kitchen table?  No, I left those far away with some delicate conversations with my parents when I was five. Im a very fussy eater, you name it and I dont like it; Carrots, Corn, Beaf, Lamb Mince, Fried Toast, Mustard, Broccoli, green peppers, cheesestrings, Vinigar, Butter on anything apart from corn where corn then becomes compatable with my tastebuds, cookie crisp, custard, peanut butter, peanut, walnut, plums... Oh Dear Side tracked again! I'm starting to see I'll need to concentrate while writing this blog.

So yes, time to reveal a few interesting things about myself, or at least, I think you'll find it  interesting. Otherwise even louie wont read this. (Charming Guy, Likes ginger bear a bit too much. But a Charming guy)

Fun Fact one!
 I like to consider myself a bit like voldimort in a few areas, however with a moral compass. (Yes I am a harry potter fan) I think that the number 7 is the most brillient number in the world ("Isn't seven the most magicial number") I want to change the world, and I like the sound of me being unique, and I am to some degree. Let me explain:

Fun Fact Two!

Every year I come across some sort of unfortunate incident due to clumsyness or coincidence that leaves me quite close to death. If I was slightly unluckier I would be dead 4 times over. I've spent the last 14 years trying to realise why this happens to me, I have good genetics. All my family die of are heartattacks at the age of 90. Better eyesight, hearing, smell, then the average human being and a relatively healthy brain as far as I can percieve. however all this started from problems at birth, due to me being a twin, I absorbed most of the nutrients in the womb therefore, I was the fattest baby imaginable, this caused problems. And for one reason or another, I came out with a thinned artiary, I was operated on with a 33% chance of survival, I survived. But they broke my damn voice box (Ill explain this part later) and from there on out it's like death has been hunting me down, I've just been extremely lucky to evade it.

Fun fact 3!

So you may be thinking, Wow, what a lucky prospective individuel with charming good looks, charisma, and a good sense of direction in his life. But No, I have to admit these accidents are mainly my fault. Im just plain old Clumsy, somtimes plain stupid. At this point I suspect some readers will be rolling their eyes, "Is this guy serious?" "Insane?" "Lucky and Prospective?" maybe, maybe And maybe. But the one thing I am sure of is that I'm definetly clumsy.

So yes, This is my life. And Im living it. Ill post more later when I have the time.

On a Sidenote:
Throughout my blog I will develop it into the following layout: I will reveal two Story's per Post. One, Being a Flash to the past, and one being a bit of creative writing to dish out on the side. Someone may as well be reading it. And you may be asking yourselves, What does Marble Cake and Spare change have to do with this? Everything my dear friends. Everything. And Isn't everything another word for nothing? I dont know. I heard it somewhere, I'll figure it out later.

Creative Writing Wise, Here's a copy and paste from one of my old microsoft word documents:

The Lost Diary of James Butler, (Part One)
Badly narrated by James, this is what happens when you write a fictional story with you in it.
James Was inside a glass box, broken from the inside, and if we look close enough, we may just be able to perceieve his thoughts:  Ah! There’s a book next to me, some sort of diary, in my handwriting! Or at least, someone that’s as terrible as me at handwriting, ahah! *James Exclaimes spotting the name on the front* “James Butler’s Diary” strange, I don't remember writing a diary… According to the first page I have a broken arm… my arms fine! I haven’t broken an arm since February… Thinking about it James didn’t remember anything since his last accident, Maybe amnesia?  Must be James thought, this diary has the name on it, even if he didn’t remember writing it.

(At a closer look the Diary is full of missing pages, Words and pages are even ripped out at large sections, Illustrations cover certain pages and in others it’s stained with a greenish liquid, from what’s eligible)

-Just another Day in hospital-

Today I got chopped in half by a falling helicopter, oh don’t worry, I was fine! Just a few bumps and bruises once the ambulance people sorted me up,  well, a few hours later I was in hospital with a broken arm, it wasn’t anything serious, I was only clinically dead, say… three hours this time? The hospital people freaked out a bit to see me alive, after the operation failed that is, See I was in the hospital basement under this itchy white sheet, it was also very cold, I remember thinking: Shit! Shit!, I’m in one of those freezers again, those things can give you hyperthermia you know! Although you do feel a pleasant breeze in the lower region…. so err yes! Anyway!  I shuffled out of the freezer, got up, put on my old clothes back on, which were conveniently placed on a nearby chair, my lucks beginning to change! I was worried I’d have to stroll through the hospital err, Indecently.. I then promptly headed to the elevator, it was there when I bumped into a nurse, who saw me, I smiled and asked for a cup of tea, Black tea, No sugar or milk or any of that nonsense, but she started screaming right in my face! Not very polite… I only asked for a cup of tea! A few other members of staff came hurrying in and looked at me in shock, one dropped his pen,  I tried asking them for a cup of tea instead, taking advantage of striking them dumb, expecting a “Yes James, I’ll go and make you some Tea” but no, instead one faints, while the other pinches me on the arm! Ouch! They then grabbed me and pushed me into a stretcher and rolled it up to the hospital second floor to run “some checks”, and it turned out I was completely fine! Apart from my arm that is, which they didn’t bother to fix since they thought I was dead, that would be very uncomfortable in a coffin! Dead people have feelings too! Or at least, I do. The doctor’s then placed me into a “Private ward” Just for me! With all the tea I could ever ask for! Although it wasn’t very nice tea, it was hospital tea, not like proper, proper English tea, I’d settle for jasmine or green tea, it was then when I was visited by some, ah, unique individuals? They weren’t like doctors they had large lab coats on, like scientists have, and they said they needed me to return to the basement for a while, while they sorted the paper work out, so they took me all the way back down, and then suddenly one jabbed a needle in the arm sedating me! And I woke up in this glass room, they gave me this diary, to monitor my “Progress” myself, what progress? So I started by writing these events down, although I have to say, I want to go home, I don’t like it in this glass box.

“Shit, I can’t read anymore of this, I need some tea…” where is tea? James apparently decides it’s time to get up and begins to ponder where exactly tea is, well to start with, where is James? Well James is definitely in a basement of some sort, the lighting is dim, Ahah! An elevator down the hall! How Convenient! My luck is finally changing! James begins to go along the corridor hopping out of the hole in the glass box, stepping over a few mangled bodies, avoiding the glass on the floor, that could cut him! Wait, what mangled bodies? ARHHHHHHH! James decided to stop narrating in his head like it’s some sort of adventure, breaking into a sprint towards the elevator with the diary in his hand.

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Must… get… to… the.. elevator!” James pants while beginning a dramatic dive into the elevator after a short sprint, but epically fails as usual; he honestly isn’t surprised, as the following happens in succession:

  1. As he dives in he presses a random button on the elevator since he wants to get as far away from those bodies as fast as possible! Unfortunately receiving an electric shock from pressing to hard, ouch!
  2. James Then lands with a Distinct “Thud” noise, bruising his chest on the elevator floor, not realizing his leg is still outside the elevator
  3. The elevator door closes momentarily, crushing his leg between the two sliding doors, Ouch!
  4. James quickly lunges for the buttons, releasing the door, and slips his leg in the elevator,
  5. James Hops around the elevator on one leg, while clutching the other out of pain,
  6. The elevator proceeds to the ground floor, while James is hopping and sobbing about his leg, chest and the hand that got electrocuted, not James’s best elevator trip.

Once at the ground floor, James Hops out of the lift and along the corridor, still clutching the leg, following the signs labeled “Whips cross canteen” so he was in whip’s cross! And if correct… whips cross has a canteen, and a canteen has tea in! Brillient! But it has a metal box in their basement? With some mangled body’s in? Well, James had to admit the best place to have an accident would be in hospital, contemplating his injury, since you could fix it right away, once he had some tea, he could fix his leg and everything would be alright, apart from the dead people in the basement that is, he’d have to tell someone about that.

On route, James encounters a mass of green looking people, they all turn towards him, groaning once, and looked away again as though disappointed, still moaning something along the lines of “Brains….. Tea!” but James was too occupied to notice the zombies moaning about brains and tea, he wanted some tea, and tea was through these green zombies, so he hopped past them without further enquiry, and arrived at the canteen.

It was Horrible! Mortifying! Inhumane! The Coffee machine was out of tea! James began to panic, then he saw those green people again, tea was round there mouths….. Caught in the act! How Dare they, they took all the tea! Left not one cup! But there was still hope! A coffee machine was behind them! But they were already shaking it trying to get tea out of it…. Then something took over James, something inside him, took control, and in a howl of rage, the tea was suddenly more then just what 80% of his brain cells wanted, it was 100%, James Grabbed a chair from a nearby table and charged at the zombies at full speed, and then everything went blank. Next thing he knew, he was sitting happily at the coffee machine, sipping on tea sitting on the same chair he picked up. Ahh… Tea… James decided to just sit, and drink away, contemplating the dozens of dead green people on the floor.

(Sorry about the Length, Bit large for my first Post eh? Dont comment on the spelling mistakes. Drives me up the wall, And the tense as well, It's incredably confusing First person Second person? Ask james from 5 months ago, I no longer know or care)


  1. And I've just also realised that randomly picking out old documents for the blog isnt the best way to go. This piece of writing is terrible! D-! Judge me on the next one :D it will either carefully written or carefully Selected.

  2. Tis a good start, I look forward to reading more. P.S. Use spell check first before you post; us terrible spellers need to compensate somehow haha